I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
