we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
