the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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