Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
