toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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