I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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