So drunk its hurt
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
