burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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