If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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