I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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