Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
