please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
