Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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