no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
