smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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