she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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