How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
