In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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