also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
