I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
