So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
