If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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