My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
