I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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