I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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