I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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