Pants 0. Shit 1.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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