Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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