Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
