Your dad touched me again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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