if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
