First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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