he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
