i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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