Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
