Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
