went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
