i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I want a musical about memes.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
