His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
