there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
