Someone shit on the floor
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
