I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You need a sexual gate keeper
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
