drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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