I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
