Don't make out with my wife yet
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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