I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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