You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
