You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
