No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
ttyl tear gas
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
