We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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