apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
