i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
