I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
