I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
